“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7
In part 1 and part 2 of my series on headship, I talked about how the husband is called to be a man of character, modeling the way Christ leads His bride, the Church. In this verse, Peter builds on what we’ve already discussed and also writes about an important safeguard that God has put in place to protect wives.
First, Peter instructs husbands to live with their wives in an “understanding way.” This can be interpreted to mean caring for them comprehensively – their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. While the husband is not Christ, he is called to provide for his wife in these areas and he is responsible to God for how he fulfills this role (see also my previous two posts on headship).
Peter also commands husbands to show honor to their wives as a “weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life…” Here we can see both the distinction between male and female and also the equal value God places on both genders held in tension. Scholars have debated whether “weaker vessel” refers to the general physical weakness of women relative to men, or to the positional weakness of wives as they submit to their husbands. Regardless of which of these ideas Peter had in mind when he penned these words, I think we can all agree that in most relationships, women are more vulnerable and more likely to be abused than men. Here, Peter instructs husbands to treat their wives with honor. Why? Because both the wife and the husband are equally heirs of the grace of life. Although wives are called to submit to their husbands, that does not in any way diminish their value or make them any less an heir of grace.
God places equal value on men and women and He takes the way a husband treats his wife VERY seriously. So seriously, in fact, that He places a safeguard around women. In this verse we see that if a husband is not living with his wife in an understanding way, God will not listen to his prayers. This is amazing!! No where in the Bible does it say that if a wife does not live with her husband in an understanding way her prayers will not be answered. Here we can see God, in His infinite wisdom, protecting women in their marital relationships by calling their husbands to love them well “or else!”
So, what are some of my final thoughts on headship? Husbands are called to both specific character qualities and specific responsibilities. The being is where the doing comes from. If the husband is not a man of good character, he will find it hard to “live in an understanding way” – to cherish his wife, nourishing her and any children they may have both physically and spiritually.
While the specifics of who does what vary from marriage to marriage, ultimately the biggest difference between husbands and wives is their accountability to God. The husband is accountable to God for leading the family in a way the wife isn’t. We first see this in Genesis chapter three. Eve led in sinning. She ate the fruit from the forbidden tree and then handed it to her husband. Yet, when God comes walking in the garden, He calls first to Adam, not Eve. “So the Lord God called out to the man and said to him, “Where are you?”” (Genesis 3:9) God could have called Eve first, yet He chose Adam. Why? I believe it was because Adam was ultimately accountable to God for the spiritual health of his family. God held him responsible not just for his sin in eating the fruit, but also his failure to lead his wife in this area. We can also see this in the way that we inherit sin from Adam. “Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned..”(Rom 5:12) Adam is the spiritual head of all humans because he was the head of the first family. Therefore, because he sinned, we have all inherited a sin nature. This is a great illustration of the seriousness of headship and the way that God views family.
Although we all inherited death from Adam, I’m so thankful for Christ, who through His death took on our sin, and gave us His righteousness. He is our new head, and through Him we are justified by grace. As Christian husbands and wives, we now have the opportunity to display the glorious relationship between Christ and the church to the world. May we walk in a manner worthy of our calling, pointing all who see us to the beauty of Christ. Praise Him!