“An overseer, therefore, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, self-controlled, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not an excessive drinker, not a bully, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not greedy.” 1 Timothy 3:2-3

In our last post on headship, we talked about Ephesians 5 and the husband’s responsibility to lead as Christ leads the church. In today’s post I’d like to briefly discuss some further characteristics of good leadership.

In these verses in 1 Timothy, Paul is laying out the qualifications for being an elder (pastor) in the church. Although these are specific to the role of elder, because an elder is held up as an example of leadership to all men, these are also characteristics of a person who is exemplifying biblical manhood and leadership.

As we briefly noted last time, many objections to headship center around abuse. While there are husbands who may use their role as “head” to justify abuse, when you combine the list of qualities in 1 Timothy with the headship modeled by Christ, it is clear that biblical headship is the antithesis of domineering, abusive power. Biblical headship is self-sacrificial, humble leadership characterized by gentleness and respect.

The man described in the passage above is first faithful to his wife. He should not be “sleeping around,” have multiple wives or mistresses, or be otherwise violating his marriage covenant. This passage also makes it clear that he should have a good reputation within his community, which also implies that he is in community. A “lone wolf” does not make a good head. In order to be “above reproach,” “respectable,” and “hospitable” a man has to be in relationship with other people who are welcomed into his life and his home.

Furthermore, the passage goes on to specifically state that a good head is NOT a bully, not a drunk, and not argumentative. I think most of us are familiar with bullies – someone who takes advantage of his/her size, power, or position to force his/her will on others. It is very clear from this and other passages that this is not how a good husband or leader of the church should act. He is supposed to be gentle, a good listener, and self controlled. If these characteristics sound familiar, they should. These are also fruits of the Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23 A good head is a God honoring man who is filled with the fruit of the Spirit and growing in every way into looking more and more like Christ.

While I could expound for pages on headship, I hope that these brief posts have been helpful in giving you a picture of the character traits God intends husbands to exemplify in the home. There is much to be said on this topic! In the next few weeks we will discuss more about submission, the specific responsibilities of headship, and how that is worked out practically in marriage.