By Debbie Boyce
This week I got a call from a friend. Sarah is a young wife and mother, and she was calling to ask advice about how to get along with her husband. The previous night her husband, Mark, had complained that Sarah doesn’t listen to him. Sarah is an intelligent woman, with opinions about how things should be done, lots of energy and love for people, and a desire to be all that God made her to be. Mark also loves God but Mark has different opinions for how things should be done! He told his wife that he feels like she never listens to him.
Sarah knows she is strong-willed. After her husband’s’ comment, she went online and looked for Christian writing on strong-willed wives. She found several encouraging blog posts from Christian women. One was a blog post by Debbie Cherry, author of The Strong Willed Wife. It was very helpful to her, but she also called me the next morning. I thought this was funny! My name is also Debbie and I am also strong-willed! Sarah knows me; she and Mark had recently had dinner at our house. Mark and my husband, Bill, are more soft-spoken than either Sarah or I. Sarah knew that we had this in common.
I gave her some advice about hearing Mark’s complaint and trying to understand where he was coming from. Mark and Sarah have been married five years, and are both wonderful people. I gave advice with the hope that Mark and Sarah can appreciate each other and not squash each other’s strengths. Sarah seemed very encouraged by our conversation, and she felt I was a kindred spirit, a fellow strong willed wife.
When I got off the phone I googled “Insights from a Strong-willed wife.” I read Debbie Cherry’s excellent post. It gives wisdom in a quick and appealing way. Though I could add some further thoughts to hers, I was grateful that Cherry is writing a quality blog. So why did Sarah call me? What did I add to Cherry’s advice?
Honestly, not a lot! However, I am her friend. I am not an online presence or virtual mentor, but a real flesh and blood friend and mentor. I know Sarah well. She can feel my love for her and she knows I also know Mark and care about him. Sarah and I have history. We also potentially have a future as friends. That is a powerful thing. A virtual mentor was a helpful added voice to Sarah, but cannot take the place of a real friend.
I believe that is as it should be. Then why are Ruth and I starting a blog? First, some of our friends want to hear what we have to say, what we are thinking. Second, we both love to write and to teach and to encourage. Third, we care about communicating positively about what concerns us as Christian women.
However, we don’t want this blog to replace friends and mentors in the lives of our readers. We hope to supplement those wise personal voices with short and helpful posts. But we encourage you, dear reader to make friends with women of all ages, races, and walks of life! The people who surround you in daily life should be drawn out, sought out and listened to. True friends, with whom you have an active and personal relationship, are a precious gift. They are irreplaceable. We pray you have at least one such woman in your life.