I was recently reminded of how God has transformed my attitude about writing. When I was a child, I remember thinking carefully about my speech, a precursor to writing. Your first impression of that statement might be positive. Shouldn’t we all be concerned to be careful in both spoken and written communication? However, my careful thought was invested in crafting pungent and destructive speeches. Most often, I rehearsed these speeches to confound my parents or to vindicate myself before a teacher whom I felt had treated me unfairly. I have often said I was born angry, and as far back as I can remember I have had a sense that I was the victim of unfairness. Perhaps this is an occupational hazard of being the middle of five children. Whether or not this is true, it has been an arduous spiritual journey to outgrow my natural thought patterns.
The first step of change or sanctification did come in my speech. I began to really grieve over my destructive words when I saw their impact on my husband and children. I grew up hearing that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” If ever there was an adage which needed to be clarified by many caveats, it is that one! Certainly, empty threats cannot harm to the extent of fulfilled threats, but hateful words spoken in a context of a close relationship where love should rule harm and embed themselves in our memories and souls, often yielding radioactive damage over long periods of time. I have said such words, often times thinking my recipient would know I did not really mean them – I was just angry or felt cornered. When I saw the sorrow I caused, by God’s grace, I truly grieved and asked for forgiveness. By God’s grace, my husband and children forgave. I have not asked them recently to know whether my words still haunt them, and I don’t want to re-inflict pain. Our relationships are warm and intact because of His healing power. Somewhere in the process, I learned that if I held my tongue or spoke more carefully, there would be much less destruction to clean up, and their hearts would need less balm. Duh! I am mortified by my slowness to learn that. But it prepared me for the process of writing.
I have deep gratitude for Ruth, who began this blog with me, and for Jocelyn and Lynda who have helped me continue. They have edited my writing faithfully. We wanted this blog to be constructive, not destructive. They have seen errors of omission that could lead a reader to confusion or discouragement, and they have seen errors of commission where my word choices have been unintentionally inflammatory, negative or unclear. At the beginning, I chafed a bit at removing some of my clever wordsmithing! Now I am convinced we all need editors. By God’s grace, I genuinely want my words to build up rather than tear down, even when I feel unfairly treated. My chief editor is the Holy Spirit. He constrains me constantly (though I don’t always obey). What a privilege it is to feel Him channeling and shaping all my personality and creativity toward love. I will close with a psalm that I think relates to this, in the New International Version, because I wanted the word “boundary” from their translation!
Psalm 16
Keep me safe, my God,
for in you I take refuge.
2 I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing.”
3 I say of the holy people who are in the land,
“They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.”
4 Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more.
I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods
or take up their names on my lips.
5 Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
11 You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.